STRUGGLE BUS DRIVER: JORDAN
Greetings Reader. I continue to reject to explain my situation (sorry, I really don't owe you one). If you've been keeping up with my last few posts, I'm sure you've created some assumptions. Some of which are probably correct.
What I will tell you, is that I am going though a season. A season that is rocking the boat on several things in my life. I do not wish to elaborate further, but my poem that I'll be sharing today may shed some light on an aspect of what I'm going through.
I've found great expression in rekindling my enjoyment of poetry. It's been freeing to write things out. At this point it's become a little like therapy for me to create these things. I'm sharing my latest creation with you below.
Please remember to lead and live your life with a kind heart. It takes minimal effort. Something insignificant to you, could mean the world to someone else. Go make someone smile today! :)
By: Jordan A.
No option for growth
Stuck in this gear
Constantly ask for more
But our day stays at 8
Work through or eat lunch
Am I subjected to this fate
Meetings on meetings
Fake gifts of appreciation
"We're making changes," they say
How come we don't see them
Waking up is impossible
The drive becomes harder
Motivation? What is that?
Chinks showing in armor
The whispers come first
Office gossip explodes
No more lunch invitations
No one wants to hear woes
No outlet is safe
No one to confide
Negativity trumps thoughts
I try, but can't hide
The avoidance stings
Adds fuel to the fire
It's support I desire
At the end of my rope
Feel like I'm going insane
Can't keep it up much longer
Inconceivable to remain
At this soul sucking hell
This thankless career
Constant state of exhaustion
Not one day without tears
"What do you want to do?"
The question they ask
"You can always make a change"
An easier spoken than done task
The soul searching begins
What life do I create
Never had clear direction
No dream or future that's innate
I'm in the driver's seat
A million paths I could take
Possibilities are endless
I lack guidance, fear mistakes
At the end of the day
I know I have to make a choice
Stay in this thankless career
Or take a risk, find my voice
Any change is a challenge
Growth doesn't come easy
One step at a time
Commitment to free me
Been starving my soul
Doing it for far too long
Hope it's worth it in the end
And I find where I belong
Good afternoon, morning, evening, day, or night reader. :) I hope you've been taking time to try to make those around you smile! While I'm not ready to break down my absence in full force (full disclosure, don't know if I'll share the story in it's entirety), I will give you a shortened down version....burning the wick at both ends...
I've kept myself very (like extremely very) busy the past few months and it's been draining and a distraction from dealing with too many things that I've put off for too long.
One of the things that I've been getting back into lately is writing poetry. It's just a great way to get thoughts, words, and feelings down on paper and provides me a creative outlet. I've written another one today and thought I would share it on here because if I'm not going to do a 'legitimate' type of post, I might as well share my brain nuggets of creation. :)
By: Jordan A.
Do you ever feel drained
Emotions can't keep up
Can't even explain
Empty space in your mind
Searching your soul to find
The sparks, where have they gone
Fake smiles keep others blind
Empty space in your soul
Cup never feels full
Days dragging on and on
Darkness's allure a stronger pull
Empty space in your heart
Any second could fall apart
Holding on by a thread
Hasty decisions aren't smart
Empty space in your being
Logic blind, heart not seeing
The struggle for positivity
Striving for something freeing
Suddenly a break in the clouds
Silence broken, thoughts out loud
A sliver of hope, a glimpse of peace
Commitment to better myself, I vowed
living a lie
"Hello reader! I am not about to address my absence. I'm not ignoring it, but I will not be talking about it during this post. I wrote a poem that I wanted to share with you today instead.
Living a Lie
By: Jordan A.
You smile because you're happy
Or at least you're supposed to be
Laugh to cover the pain
Bury your emotions, no one can see
Can you imagine what they'd think?
If they knew about the demons
Test the waters, just a glimpse
Shit...too much? Hide the feelings
A storm is brewing
Pressure building by the hour
Distraction no longer working
What a fucked up superpower
Can't ask for help
Refuse to be a burden
Confide in no one
Hurricane of uncertain
"You okay?" that damn question
Pray no one asks
Never able to hold it together
Kindness the kryptonite of my mask
Tears build like Legos
Vision clouds with betrayal
"You need a hug?"
Nice rips away my veil
Niagara falls from my face
Façade is shattered
Strong no more
Ego, that baastard
Couldn't last forever
Living a lie
Existing at witts end
Soul shrieking "Why!?"
How does one exist in such agony
Wrestling thoughts, feeling, and experience
Distorting life, living false realities
The most underrated character trait: resilience
I was going to start this by saying, "Good evening," but I realized as I was typing this that you might be reading this at any point and therefore making my salutation mute. Whatever time of day you read this, Reader, I hope you're having a great day! We are here again because holy Moses we are in the third month of the year already! How!?!?!? I don't know if I'll ever stop being shocked at how quickly time passes. Seeing as I made you an unwilling participant in my journey towards bettering myself, it is my rightly duty to update you on the past month.
February started at a hot pace! I stayed busy, I was tracking my goals. I was doing all the things...well mostly. I was tracking my goals for the first two weeks of the month with every intention of continuing to track them for the entire month, but then one day turned into two...then a week...then we were done with the month.
Now reader, please don't be too harsh in your judgement of me, I have already mentally beat myself up for this, but instead of looking at the negatives, I'm trying to take this as an experience of growth. Whenever there is a conflict or an issue with something, you take a step back and re-evaluate things to determine what went wrong, what is working, what's not working. Ultimately you want to know how to improve and what things you can do to help you produce the best outcome. The last two weeks of the month, I have spent time doing this and what I found is surprising and yet not shocking to me.
My reflections started with why I despised tracking my daily goals and sharing it on the social media platform I had agreed to, to keep me accountable. Part of the reason I found this task so draining is because I hated having to share something every day. Another thing I disliked about the situation is that on the days that I wouldn't make all of my goals, I would feel like such a failure and feel like I was letting down all the people I've been trying to share my journey with. It was a type of negative reinforcement that didn't motivate me, but instead made me disenchanted with the experience.
Once I realized this, I also took into consideration the fact that I have an adventurous spirit. I often say yes to spontaneous, spur of the moment plans and this would adversely affect my ability to achieve my daily or weekly goals. While I was consciously making the decision to not make my goals on those days, it just started to build a resentment towards them. I no longer wanted to work on them because I felt like they were improving me. They became a monotonous task that I no longer looked forward to.
Having lost my motivation, my memory of why I started, and the amounting feelings of failure, I stopped tracking those goals all together. The past two weeks, I haven't even made marks on my board and it just sits in my house useless and untouched. This is not to say that I'm not still dedicated to improving myself, I just need to find another way to approach it that will actually keep me motivated and focused on the real reason I decided I want to do all of this in the first place. Becoming my best self.
Moving forward, what I've decided to do is to continue to work on the goals that I have identified, but to be a little more lenient with them. This may mean adjusting the frequency in which I try to achieve them or it could just mean celebrating what I do get done, knowing in the back of my mind the things that I wish to accomplish each day. I will still try to track my progress on the identified social media page, however, instead of including a checklist with open boxes I'll just be sharing the great things that I was able to accomplish for the day.
By reframing my mindset in this way, I feel that I am accounting for my carefree spirit while keeping myself focused on overall growth. I am catering to my accomplishments instead of zoning in on my short comings. I allow for spontaneity without compromising the day or the week.
Do I know if this will work? Nope! That's what goal setting is all about right? Trial and error and steps forward overcoming the steps back. As long as we remain resilient and true to ourselves and what we need, we can't go wrong right? One of the beautiful things about life that I've always appreciated is one's ability to start fresh.
Take advantage of the fresh hour, the fresh day, the fresh week. All of the above! We only have one life and we can only hope to continually grow and work towards being that best version of ourselves in the moment.
Thank you for your time today reader. I wish you luck in your own goal endeavors and hope that you too take time to re-evaluate. May you move forward with the best plan for you possible!
As always, try to be the reason someone smile today. :)
Until next time!
Emotional Tidal Wave
Hellllllooooooooooooo Rrrreeeaaaddddeeerrrrr!!!!! I so hope you read that in your head as I said it in mine! I am here for my final post of February (how the f*** is it the end of the month already!?). This year is passing by quicker than a cheetah. Oh...that was a bad on reader I apologize haha I spent about five minutes trying to think of something more clever, but as you will come to understand my creative juices were targeted towards something else today.
So reader, without getting too personal, I've made a change in my life which is adversely affecting my emotional state. It has me feeling all the emotions and it truly is making me feel like a crazy person for not being able to manage them. Since I'm already an emotional person, this enhancement of such a strong aspect of myself has been challenging to deal with.
With that background knowledge, let me bring you to today. I was working with a patient and I was encouraging him to create poetry. While he was writing, I had a flashback to grade school and all of the English classes I had where we did poetry. I loved poetry guys. I loved creating things and using words to just majestically speak about things or use it for humor! I actually won a poetry thing in 7th or 8th grade with a ridiculous poem I had created. It was my jam bam! Then I thought about the last time that I wrote a poem. I couldn't remember it. I hadn't indulged in this creative outlet for AGES! I wasn't upset with myself, I was just...disappointed. I write poems every now and then to incorporate into a friends gift, but I don't write poems just to express myself or just for fun.
So, what did I decide to do while my patient was creatively writing? That's right, I racked my brain for a subject which I could write about. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about the ocean. The other topic that I've been constantly dealing with lately is my emotions. So, I attempted to write a poem that incorporated the two. Of course I will share it below, I just wanted to give a quick backstory before we went right into it. So without further ado, here's to my first legitimate attempt at a poem in MONTHS!
Emotional Tidal Wave
By Jordan A.
Ocean waves ebb and flow
Same with our emotions no?
The highest waves crash the hardest
We go from elation to feeling our harshest
The darkest pools suck us into its depths
We get tossed around, straining to catch our breath
Just when we're about to succumb to despair
A voice inside screams, "There's more for you out there!"
A fighting spirit bursts from buried treasure
Locked up in our heart, because of our minds, not forever
We kick against the current, striking out against fear
Fighting for that life we took for granted and now hold dear
Each stroke has a purpose like every thought in our mind
Trying to breach the surface, to ourselves, we be kind
We finally break free, our struggle is won
To grow and be better before the next wave to come
Thank you for taking the time to read that! There are many things that I would like to say at the moment and none of them seem right. I hope you enjoy my conscious re-emergence into the world of poetry. I may share more in the future. Who knows! This was one of the more enjoyable blog posts that I've done in a hot minute.
I appreciate your time reader! I hope you have a great day and please make an effort to be the reason someone smiles today! :)
Until next time...
self Love > all
Happy Valentine's Day Reader! Historically I have been a person who absolutely loathes this holiday. Having a holiday that profits on the concept of love and pressuring/guilt tripping significant others into purchasing extravagant gifts is nauseating. Truthfully, even when I was in relationships I hated the idea of being forced into displaying my love on this set day for commercial purposes. In the 365 days of the year, why should this one day be the day where you have to show how much you love your person? Can't it be like any surprise Saturday or Tuesday in June?
Truthfully, part of me is a bit cynical about the whole lovey dovey thing. After some self-reflection, I think that some of my aversion to this day is due to the fact that I'm kind of jealous. This is the first year in a while where I've been able to objectively look at the Valentine's Day posts from friends, strangers, and acquaintances where I haven't been green with jealously. Having that disgusting self-loathing pang in my gut wondering why I can't have that and instead being happy to see everyone else celebrating their love. I don't feel like my aversion to this day is completely based in my jealously of it because truthfully I stand by my thoughts that if you love someone you can show them on any day, but I am less judgmental of those who utilize the holiday as a way to set aside a for sure day/night to celebrate their union as significant others.
What I've done on past Valentine's Days to help myself feel better about the holiday was to get gifts for my friends and convince myself that if I had any love in my life, then I needed to celebrate it. I think the beneficiaries of those gifts enjoyed and appreciated them, but I also felt like there was some pity associated with the gift giving. I still enjoy the concept of giving your friends/cared ones gifts and letting them know how much you care for them, but in my experience...a romantical holiday assigned to couples is not the time to do so. Although, I will never discourage you from sharing how much someone means to you because life is too short for that shit not to be expressed!
If I haven't told this part of my story yet reader, let me give you some background. When I was in high school, I had this image of my life. I was going to college, meet the love of my life, and walk out of college with a fiancé, and the tools to start a family within two years of graduating...jokes on me! Life did not go this way for me at all. I had a pretty serious boyfriend for two years who shattered my heart and broke me as a person.
I spent the following years in college closed off, and skeptical. I declined offers of dating and slowly single life just became my thing. I haven't been in a relationship since 2012. Have there been opportunities? Yes. Have I wanted to stay single? Yes and no. Have I tried going on dates? Yes. Meeting people organically? Yes. Meeting people through dating apps. Yes :I. Have I fallen for people since? Yes, the wrong ones haha. Do I fear I'll be alone forever? Sometimes? What do I picture the rest of my life to be like? Truthfully, I've never pictured my future or life not having a family or finding love (thanks Disney ;) )
These past four to five months, I've had a LOT of time to self reflect and think about this topic, and there are a few takeaways I can share.
1. SELF LOVE! It may sound cliché, but this is the big numero uno of where I think most people (myself) need to develop to have a successful relationship. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times, "You can't love someone until you learn to love yourself." By learning to love yourself, you learn your boundaries. You learn self-respect and how you deserve to be treated. You set the standard for how others treat you by how you treat yourself. You become more confident and in doing so actually make yourself more attractive. You stop tolerating bullshit and honestly get better at seeing through it. You grant yourself grace and are able to treat others better and be a better person for others when you learn to love yourself. So how do you develop self-love? There are many ways to get started! One of the best things I think a person can do to help develop self-love is to start a daily positive affirmation practice. Positive affirmations are positive statements you say about yourself, your life, etc. Saying them at first can be awkward and feel phony, but there are so many studies out there where the continued use of positive affirmations is linked to increased self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth.
2. EXPECTATIONS. Reader, leave your expectations at the door! I've told you what I expected my life to look like and while I still compare myself to my friends who did end up taking that route, I know that my life would be 100% different had it worked out that way. At this point I wouldn't sacrifice where I am and the adventure life has taken me on to go to that cookie cutter life I thought I wanted. However, when I say letting go of expectations, I'm also talking about the expectations you create for the people you go on dates with. I have the tendency to either plan out my future with a person or cut them off from future endeavors with them within a very short amount of time into trying to get to know them. This is a big no-no! Not only is it kind of crazy, but you're cutting yourself from fully living in the moment and being mindful of getting to know that person. If you want to give yourself the best shot of not getting ahead of yourself and truly giving the person a fair chance without walking down the aisle to them in your head, try to think of each date as an individual letter of the alphabet. Date 1 is letter A. We aren't skipping all the way to letter Z, we are getting to know this person in the moment. We aren't making plans ahead we are solely focused on what this person presents on date A and not what they might give me by date L. Now, this doesn't mean completely cut off plans of the future, but in those first few date scenarios really get to know the essence of that person before you determine if their husband/wife material or if they check all your non-negotiables.
3. NON-NEGOTIABLES VS DESIRES. Speaking of non-negotiables, lets define what this exactly means. In relationships, there are traits/characteristics we'd like our potential partners to have. These can range from being taller, to being athletic, or a nerd, or loves animals, health conscious, generous, etc. What you, as a single individual need to do is figure out which of these traits fall under desirable or deal breaker. Is the fact that they are 6 foot five inches tall a plus? Heck yes! Would them not being that height make you not want to date them? I can't speak for you on what your deal breakers are, but for me, that isn't a requirement I would need. Just remember that no relationship you have will be perfect and while some people may get lucky in having all of their boxes checked in a significant other, chances are you'll likely be compromising in certain areas. You have to decide what is actually important to you in being with someone long term versus what would be nice to have. What is actually going to make you happiest long term? Green eyes or someone who puts in the effort to make sure you know you're loved? You have to make that call.
Well reader, I'll leave the love advice there for right now. I hope that if you have someone today that you do let them know how much you care for them. If you don't have someone, I hope you let yourself know how much you love yourself. :) After all, you're stuck with you for the rest of life no matter what! Might as well learn to love what you've got!
Be someone's reason to smile today, even if that person is you! :)
Until next time!
Reader, how in the ever loving world is it that we are in the second month of 2021 already!? Is it just me or were we just making plans for the New Year? The older we get, the faster time flies (I'm not a fan!).
Well reader, since we've completed the month, I figured now is as good as any to update you on how this whole goal situation thing is going...
I am glad to announce that I achieved all of my daily goals 23 out of 31 days. The goal that I struggle with the most is the 10 minutes of cleaning every day. When my plans switch mid-day and I come home later than usual, I am not motivated to tack that on to my day. I may need to plan on getting up earlier on the days I know I have things going on to knock it out before work. That leaves the days where I am a little more spontaneous with my life that I'll continue to struggle.
Weekly, I have not yet accomplished a full week of goals. The goals that I struggle the most with are self-care activities and the completion of strength, yoga, and cardio workouts. I still don't think I fully understand self-care. Moving forward, I think I need to reframe my mind as to what exactly that looks like and try to recognize when I am applying it to life. The workouts are a little tough for me at the moment seeing as most of my workout time is dedicated to doing my ankle exercises. I do get some workouts through my job, which is definitely nice, but I'm not getting all that I would like to be out of the week as far as my physical exercise. This is a more difficult one to tackle as I want to respect my body's needs in my recovery. I may have to temporarily adjust my goals until I can incorporate more legitimate exercise routines into my routine.
The monthly goal went surprisingly better than I anticipated. The only box that I didn't get checked on my monthly goals, ironically enough is getting three or more blogs in during a month. As you know, if you're following this, I only had two blogs the entire month of January. I had every intention of doing a blog last weekend and then plans changed and my energy/motivation to complete the task vanished. That one is on me. I'll take one. The rest of the goals were surprisingly achievable! I just have to be proactive about completing them. This means for me, planning ahead and initiating social endeavors instead of just being okay with being a spontaneous loner. Definitely a good challenge and a good way to get me out of my comfort zone.
One of my monthly goals is to recap some of the positive things that occurred that month. I'll share a few of those with you here:
How do I feel after a month of this madness? Well reader, to be completely honest, I do feel a little something something going on. I feel like when I've experienced negative situations, I bounce back quicker, I don't allow it to consume my day, and in the moment I can think more rationally. My entire mood is more stable. There is less roller coaster of emotion. I have been able to control my feelings in a way where there are less tears and I am here for it!
Another thing, I've noticed is that I'm trying to be more introspective and present during my interactions with others. I try to stay off my phone and really listen to listen instead of listening to respond. Trying to be more conscientious of how things might impact others. I've also taken on to apologizing more effectively. Not in a way that blames or undermines the other person, but a genuine apology.
I have to say the the self-growth podcasts that I've discovered continue to pump my mind with new ideas and new thought processes that I'm attempting to implement in my daily life. I know I have a long way to go still, but I do think that I am taking the steps to do the right thing.
How have you been doing with the goals that you've set for yourself? How do you feel about how it has impacted you thus far in the year? Do you need to make adjustments? Do you need to reprioritize? Has life already thrown a curve ball in your direction? Whatever you may be experiencing this far into 2021, I hope that you breathe and know that you're not alone and you can do this!
February makes me a little nervous with the whole goal thing seeing as it is a whole 72 hours less than January, but waking up each morning with intention and knowing what I have to get done is a great place to start!
Please do your best to be the reason someone smiles today reader!
Until next time!
Hey, howdy, hey there reader! I hope your 2021 is off to a lovely start! How are we already closer to February than we are to the New Year!? This year is already chucking along at a rapid pace and you're either struggling to catch the train, holding on by your fingertips or sitting comfortably in coach (until the kid next you spills his hot chocolate all over your lap). Or, I guess you could be in another category of where a person could be...not even trying and shutting themselves in their room cave away from the world for all eternity. I hope you haven't reached that level of seclusion friend! Keep that chin up! Every day is a blank slate for you to write your story!
I've decided to update you on how my goal accomplishment is going now that we are three weeks into the year. If you remember, my daily goals include: Exercise at least 15-30 minutes, journal and/or blog, identify at least three things I'm grateful for, write five positive affirmations, be on social media (Facebook and Instagram) for less than an hour, do a minimum of 10 minutes of cleaning, make my bed, compliment someone, get 10,000 steps, and drink a minimum of 60 oz. of water.
I would love to report that I've achieved these goals every day...but that would be a lie. Heck, it would even be a lie to tell you that I've made it through a week of consistently checking all these boxes. I've had to make some adjustments to my activity level at times due to still being in the recovery process of my ankle injury. That's the noblest of the excuses I have. The other days that I haven't made my list have either been because I've been in some type of social situation where I didn't utilize my time wisely before to do so or I truly feel like my body needs rest.
The goals that I have been the most inconsistent with achieving are the 10,000 steps, 10 minutes of cleaning, and less than one hour of social media. The goals that I've had the most consistency with include drinking 60+ oz. of water, journaling/blogging, and my affirmations. I know that achieving goals is about building consistency and I hope to have that full complete week of daily goals met. In defense of myself, the increase in my daily activity is jarring after being stationary for almost three months. I also don't expect myself to be perfect overnight, so this means that I definitely have room for improvement.
Not only am I working on daily accomplishments, if you remember from a previous post reader, I've got weekly goals I'm working towards as well. Every week, I hope to accomplish the following: three to five cardio workouts, three to five strength training workouts, three to five yoga workouts, one to two "me" nights, five to seven days of meditation, write a letter, read at least three chapters, four self-care activities, four from home lunches during the work week, doing laundry (including folding and putting it away).
I have not completed a weekly checklist yet. The goals that I'm most consistent with on a weekly basis include meditation (this I have done every day of the month of January), laundry (this one shocked me), writing a letter, and reading three chapters. The goals which I have struggled to achieve weekly have been checking off all of the various styles of exercise and four self-care activities. Now reader, the first week and a half of doing this, I tried to do extra exercise on top of my ankle exercises (assigned from my physical therapist) as well as everything else. I have been getting up at 5 AM and I wouldn't be going to sleep until after 10 PM trying to complete my list. Not to mention I had basically zero social life due to my focus on accomplishing my goals. Trying to give myself grace as I'm in the early stages of recovery, I decided to count my ankle exercises as exercise and if I am lucky enough to add another exercise to the day then great. Otherwise, I've been replacing that time in the morning with my journal and accomplishing my other daily goals. This has opened up my afternoons significantly for social endeavors and has actually helped in building more consistency with my daily goals. My weekly goals will suffer for a bit until I can progress in to the next phase of my recovery, but I've got to be realistic about where I am.
The fact that I've not achieved the four acts of self-care each week has surprised me. In my mind, self-care is like getting your eyebrows done, doing your nails, doing a facemask, etc. I wasn't doing these things, therefore I felt like I wasn't accomplishing this goal. However, after doing my own research and with the help of the SHE podcast, I'm realizing more that self-care could be taking 20 minutes to sit and chill on busy days, choosing to make dinner instead of eating out, choosing a Zipfizz over an energy drink, talking to a friend. Basically, self-care is anything that is for you which helps to improve you physical, mental, and/or emotional health. Knowing this now, I think that is a goal that I can definitely achieve moving forward. I just have to change my expectation of what self-care is and recognize it for what it is in the moment.
Overall reader, I feel like I've been making good strides to develop positive habits and routines in my life, but I know I've got a long way to go. I've noticed that emotionally I'm more stable. If I have a negative encounter, I can get to rationalized thinking quicker than when I used to just let my emotions take over and simmer. I still have difficulty not immediately sharing bad news when I receive it, but that is why we're calling it a work in progress.
Anyway, I thought I'd keep myself accountable in one more space reader so thank you for bearing with me. I hope that your work towards your goals has been mostly positive and that you've built a community of support and accountability to help you get there!
I'll keep you updated on my journey periodically throughout the year, along with other various, random topics I decide I want to talk about. One of my monthly goals is to blog three times within the span of the month. If I'm not mistaken this is two of three for the month of January so you'll be hearing from me at least one more time before the end of the month. :)
As always, be the reason someone smiles today!
Until next time....
AReader! How are you!? Did you have a wonderful holiday season? Whatever you celebrate, I hope it was a great time. Have you committed yourself to any New Years resolutions? Have you already broken them? Are you remaining strong and disciplined? Did you give up before you started and not make any? Regardless of your decision on resolutions, I hope your 2021 is off to a promising start.
As you know, I've committed myself to quite the list of things to make positive changes. This first month is proving to be quite the eye opener for me how dedicated one has to be when making a lifestyle change. The first couple days of the year were kind of recovery based and therefore I didn't check off all of my boxes. The third day of the year was a Sunday though and I no longer had excuses for why I couldn't check off my boxes. Thankfully, I was very motivated that day and got all the things accomplished.
Every day since the third, I have completed my daily checklist. Not always because I wanted to, more so because I created a space of accountability and now I would feel like a bit of a failure if I didn't accomplish my tasks for the day. However, my motivation levels ebb and flow and are highly connected to my emotional state.
Being such an emotional person has it's benefits and it's downfalls. Currently, I would say a downfall is how much my emotions impact my overall environment and how much I struggle to continue with my day without them consuming my thoughts. I will say, since I've begun meditating and with the podcasts and books I've been incorporating into my life, I have noticed more emotional stability overall. I am better able to get to the reflective stage of my emotions quicker. I also have noticed less of a heat behind my negative emotions. Like I still feel negative emotions, but at the same time they aren't all encompassing or making my soul feel dead (hopefully that makes sense without sounding too depressing!).
What I do think that has helped me quite a bit so far, is that I literally made my goals the minimum of what I believe I can achieve each day. If I were speaking in my job terms, I'm working on establishing a baseline for my behavior/daily activities. Whenever a professional speaks about goal achievement, they talk about breaking down your big goals into small attainable steps and I feel like I've have succeeded in doing that.
Another thing they address when discussing goal achievement is consistency because goals don't happen overnight. While I know this is true, I feel like my brain goes one of two ways when I think about timeframe and goals. I guesstimate that I am further ahead than I actually am, or I feel like it is taking forever to get where I want to be. Patience may be a virtue, but it is something that is a mighty struggle for this soul. I think part of this comes from being so inactive for so long, now that I'm back in action, I feel like things should be just snapping into place. As the Grinch would say, "WRONGO!" This is completely false.
Goals are completed by consistency and discipline. Waking up every morning with intention. Following through. Honoring yourself and the promises you made. It comes from digging deep on those days that just suck the life out of you and you have to find a way to keep it running.
I don't know if I've had an actual goal that I'm working towards in a while because these are things that I know, but it feels foreign to put them in motion.
With that being said Reader, I have a few more things left today to accomplish before I can officially check all my boxes for today so I'll keep this short. If you made any time of resolution for this year, I hope that too are making that choice every morning to commit to yourself and what you're working on. I hope that you too find that oh so important accountability factor and find a system of support that will be there for you throughout your journey.
Please, be the reason someone smiles today and kick some butt in regards to getting shit done! I believe in you! :)
Until next time!
A millennial with a need for an outlet. I write about whatever is inspiring me in the moment.