STRUGGLE BUS DRIVER: JORDAN
Ass Of You & Me
Well hello again stranger. Actually let's be honest, unless I've told you that this blog exists there is a fairly good chance that if you're reading this that you know me. However, you know what they say about assuming. It makes an ass out of you and me. Coinkadinally enough that is the topic of the post here today
Part of being a human is making snap judgments about the environment we find ourselves in. We make assumptions about various situations out of a basic need for survival. I get it. What I don't understand, are the people take guesses about your life or your character without getting to know you or your situation.
I've had two such experiences lately. The first situation has actually happened to me several times and at this point I really just don't know how to stop it from happening. As I've branched my life out in the past few years, I have opened my friend pool up to allow a variety of individuals in. A lot of these individuals have been males. Mostly because I find that they are less judgmental and more accepting of people in my situation. While I appreciate these friendships, there is one thing that I've found highly irritating that almost always accompanies these relationships. The significant other or someone very close to the significant other feels the need to go out of their way to threaten me or tell me to "back off their man." I'm instantly perceived as a threat. I have no intentions of ruining a relationship and as a friend I am actually highly supportive and happy for my friends and the success of their romantic relationships.
So why do I give off the impression that I'm a homewrecker? Why can't my declaration of friendship be taken at face value? Why do I always feel like their accusations are a direct attack on my character and integrity as a person? Why is it that my intentions are immediately questioned? These questions have plagued me time and time again throughout the course of my adulthood. I guess one can't be a single, 20 something year-old, platonic friend without an ulterior motive these days...
During a recent conversation with a high school friend I had a fear of mine confirmed about another assumption people make about my life. Out of the blue this friend messaged me stating they had a question for me, not really thinking anything of it I just responded with an okay, shoot. What should have tipped me off was the request of no judgment for asking this question in the first place. She wanted to know that if upon my moving to Washington if I "was a major pot-head now."
Out of all the questions I was anticipating, I would have to admit this one threw me off a little bit. I mean, I know people change, but I'd been friends with this person since I was 5 years -old and I don't think one's morals change all that much...do they? Before responding, I took time to reflect on the question and decided that it was probably fair considering I'd moved to one of the few states in the country where recreational marijuana is legal. Still I was a little miffed by assumption.
I responded, letting her know that while I don't judge or care if other people engage in smoking weed, I myself had never indulged in the activity.
If I felt the question was a little odd, her response also struck a nerve. The first thing she said back was, "Good girl" as if my answer to the question would have changed the type of person I am. Also come to find that this 'out of left field' question was produced because of an assumption that her romantic interest had made about me. Mind you, this person has never met me. The only picture painted of me for this person is through the lens of second hand information.
Reader, I know the truth when it comes to these assumptions, so why is the fact that someone thinks these false thoughts about me have me so perturbed? Why can't I just be like T. Swift and 'shake it off'? Why do I let this stuff affect me the way it does?
I don't know if I'll find the answer today or by the end of this post. What I do know is that regardless of my reaction, regardless of my ability to prove my truth, there will be more people out there to come at me with more. As long as I live, there will be people judging my life through their lens and knowledge reserve. There will not be a shortage of people willing to fill in the blanks of your life without fact checking them first.
Do these people dictate how you live your life? Absolutely not.At the end of the day, the real question is whether or not you're happy with the life you're living? You know you're own truth and you're living your life the best that you can. There is only significance in these statements if you allow them to have power. Right now, I'll admit that part of my power is in their hands. I'm allowing them to affect my mood and my peace of mind. Neither of these things are what I desire, but I have a some work to do until I can walk the walk.
Ultimately reader I don't have an answer for myself on this one. All I can say is I'm not perfect. No one is. We are all out here trying to make the most of the cards we're dealt. We can't always pick the cards we want, but we sure as heck can control how we play them.
One of my favorite quotations is "Seek first to understand." I think in today's society that quote means more now than ever. How about lets make a deal. The next time you find yourself making an unfair judgement or assumption about someone, you go up and compliment that person instead. Find the beauty in their situation, their presence, their persona. Search for the good. Instead of taking what you see at face value, consider the story behind. Search for the positives. The more you train yourself to see the good in things, the easier it will be to recognize it when you come across it.
I'll leave it here for today readers. Go out and make someone smile. Maybe a stranger who you see is down on their luck. The smallest of compliments could make the biggest difference in someone's life. You never know. :) Until next time.
2/19/2023 09:40:24 am
Your the bbest
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A millennial with a need for an outlet. I write about whatever is inspiring me in the moment.