Expectations vs. Reality

Ah fancy meeting you here. :) Hello reader! I hope life has been treating you well. Before I get into my main topic for today I thought I would provide an update on a few things. For starters, the lab tests that I had done to determine any potential heart issues came back normal, but I do have an appointment with a cardiologist scheduled for next month. Although I still don't have answers to why my heart rate is as low as it is, there is some comfort in knowing that I'm doing what I can to figure it out. 
Another thing I would like to provide an update on is  our agreement that I start to initiate things (are you holding up your end of the bargain?). I am proud to say that I have been initiating more and feel more at ease with my friend situation. However, I do find myself spending a lot of time by myself still, especially on the weekends. Obviously this continues to be a work in progress for me, but I have started to ask people to do things and am taking that step so I have less alone time. Other people do have their own lives and agendas though and unfortunately things haven't worked out as I would have liked. I will continue to put effort into it because we create our own happiness and my situation isn't going to change if I don't do something about it. 
With that being said, let's move on to today's topic. If you know me, you know that in the middle of this month I have a birthday coming up. Due to the fact I'm trying to have an intelligent online presence, I won't say the date or the age. Just know that while I'm still considered young, this year is a fairly significant age that sort of changes the game a little in life. 
I don't know about you, but I definitely take birthdays as a time to reflect on things. What have I accomplished up to this point. Am I happy with where I'm at? Where do I see myself in five years? What do I want out of life? I reminisce on all the things that I've done and try to make sense of where I'm at in this chapter of my existence. While I do enjoy reminiscing, it can be a bit of a double edged sword. I love looking back on the things that I've truly been blessed to experience. but I hate thinking about what my expectations of where I thought I would be at this point in my life. 
Don't kid yourself reader, at one point in your life you've been like, "hmmm, I'm not sure I saw myself going in this direction and I'm not quite sure how I got here." That thought circles in my mind frequently, but with my birthday coming up it's been taking a front row seat in my subconscious. Just think about it reader, we get brought up in a society where they throw you into adulthood without adequate preparation and expect us to be settled into our futures before we've had a chance to really live. 
Reader, let me provide you a sneak peak into where I thought I would be at this point in my life. In college, I would have met and dated my now husband. I would have been married for a year or so and potentially even expecting my first kid. I saw myself settling into my career and establishing myself financially and professionally. I thought I would have little to no student loans and be sufficient enough to support myself and be able to afford some luxuries like a nice car or be able to travel the world. 
I'm not saying that I haven't accomplished some of this or that I'm necessarily upset with the fact that things didn't go this way, however, it is weird because I still feel like I have failed. I was raised with the mindset that you picture what you want, you set a goal, and you work on accomplishing it. I know life is unpredictable, but those expectations felt kind of like goals that I have never achieved. Nor will I ever achieve them.
I am a person who believes things happen for a reason, but sometimes those things are just so dang hard to accept. I know that if my life had gone the way I described above I would not be where I am today. I wouldn't have nearly the same experiences and I would have met all the incredible people I've had the privilege of knowing due to my travels. I can comprehend and accept this and yet there is a tiny part inside of me that tells me in some way I have failed. 
I can't change how my life has turned out and to be honest I don't think I would want to. I've truly been privileged to be able to travel, move, and explore the world as I have. I think it has brought an appreciation and gratitude for all different kinds of people and cultures and taught me to truly take in and enjoy the experience for what makes it unique.
What I do need to do is let go of those expectations and change my goals in my life to match how I've been living it. Take each day and make the most of it knowing that things will fall into place when they're supposed to. Much easier said than done of course. However, the decisions that we make today impact the decisions we will make tomorrow and for all the years yet to come. So here's to making the choices that keep us growing, evolving, challenging, and most importantly happy.
As always thank you reader. Having this blog has been an extremely healthy outlet for me and I hope that on some level it helps you too (or you find it at least enjoyable to read). I'll continue working on my social inadequacies and you continue trying to make people smile okay? Until next time.
-Jordan :)