I am a HSP

HSP. Not quite sure what that means? Before today, I didn't either. I wasn't particularly seeking out this information either, but have you ever accidentally stumbled upon something that perfectly describes you?
The way I came about the term HSP was by typing hyper-empathetic into the Google machine. Why would one search hyper-empathy you might ask? Well let me ask you a few questions to help make you understand. When someone tells you a story, do you automatically understand their perspective and how they felt? Regardless of how many times you've seen a movie do you automatically cry at the sad parts because you can relate to what the characters are going through? When reading a book have you ever noticed your own emotional state being affected by the books plot. Do you find yourself being perceptively in-tune to the changes in your environment? Do you feel like your emotionally over-reactive to the things that go on around you? Have you ever been told you're overly emotional?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions you too might be a HSP. Now if my vagueness hasn't driven you crazy to the point where you've already Googled HSP yourself, it stands for highly sensitive person.  No, this doesn't mean that we are a people who will burst into tears because you 'looked at us the wrong way," but we might come up with a million scenarios for why you might have done that (several of which probably involve us as the cause of the issue). 
Prior to tonight, I had never had any literature that describe certain aspects of my personality. I've come to conclusions and accepted quirks, but as with anything it is nice to have some actual scientific evidence behind my speculations. I even took the time to take a test just in case this was one of those situations where I got excited about something and jumped to conclusions. 
Reader, if you're concerned with how certain I am about something after only being knowledgeable about it for a couple of hours; 1. You're very justified in that opinion and 2. Left me share some facts with you about this personality type that I identify with.

1. Often has difficulty letting go of negative thoughts and emotions. For some reason this is extremely difficult for me. When I experience something negative it sticks with me. The only thing that saves me is time, distance, and distraction. I have had many a days ruined because I cannot refocus or alter my mindset from the bad experience.
2.  Frequently feels physical symptoms (i.e. stress or headache) when something unpleasant happens during the day. I have literally felt physically ill and nauseous after going through a stressful experience. It can be absolutely draining.
3. Often thinks/worries about what others are thinking. Regardless of how much I try not to let the opinion or actions of others affect me, there is always an internal dialogue in the back of my mind of how others think or perceive me.
   
4. Tend to take things personally. Holy smokes! If there is a statement I've heard once, I've heard it a thousand times. At times it is incredibly difficult to distance myself from things. I can understand and comprehend that there are circumstances which situations occur  that I have nothing to do with, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like something is my fault. Logic just simply does not prevail at these moments.
   
5. Often feels upset when watching or reading negative news in the media. Dislikes “shock” entertainment. The news is already so negative. I find it difficult to complete reading news stories about kidnappings, assaults, shootings, etc. I'm also not a fan of scary movies. The suspense kills me and I'm in a constant state of flinching. This isn't always the case though because one of my favorite TV shows is Criminal Minds...I don't get it either. Sometimes I feel like a walking conundrum. 
6. Often experiences tension or anxiety. When I get really stressed I feel a painful tightening of my neck and shoulder muscles. Anxiety on the other hand, I experience on a daily basis. It typically manifests in social settings, overthinking/analyzing situations, or when engaging in an activity where others can judge the quality of my work or effort (basically almost everything).
   
7. Often has bad days that affect eating and/or sleeping habits in an unhealthy way, such as eating or sleeping too much or too little. I experience insomnia at least once a week. Unfortunately I tend to be an emotional eater and justify it by saying it makes me feel better. Due to the fact that my constant ebb and flow of emotions is exhausting I also typically spend at least one day on the weekend just in a constant state of napping. This is a very unhealthy cycle and I do my best to fight it. Self-care is not a joke reader. Try to do it when you can. 
   
8. Often hides negative feelings, believing they are too strong, turbulent, embarrassing or vulnerable to share; keeps a lot of negative emotions inside. It is extremely difficult for me to be vulnerable. This blog in itself is a contradiction to how I typically handle expressing emotions. Granted there are very few people at this moment that know about this blog so it's not quite as revealing as it could be. I also feel like I don't want to be a burden to others by troubling them with my problems. I'm the type of person that will allow anyone to come to me with any problem they have no judgement and yet I can't seem to allow someone to reciprocate this courtesy for myself.
   
9. Often feels awkward in group situations and feels unable to be oneself. Again...this kind of depends on the situation. I consider myself to be fairly outgoing, quirky, odd, and awkward. If you get to know me well you see these in full force. However, in new social settings it depends on the read of the situation. If I'm being honest though, even in my closest group of friends there are times where I still feel like an outsider. I don't know why this is, but sometimes even thought I know that there is a mutual caring and respect there is just a dissonance I feel which makes me feel alone in a room full of people. 
   
10. Tends to “beat oneself up” when falling short of own expectations. If assumptions make an ass of you and me then expectations make you the bane of your own existence. I've already discussed expectations in a previous post so if you would like to revisit this discussion line feel free to scroll right on down and check it out. :)
    

Have I got you convinced yet? Do you relate? Are you wondering how the heck a person like me adequately functions daily with all of this stuff going on? Oh reader, it is an adventure for sure, but the highs outweigh the lows.
Well reader, I hope you kept an open mind and maybe learned something today. Knowledge is power and I hope that with what I gained from today can help me continue trying to live my best life. Knowing my downfalls and shortcomings is just the beginning to trying to conquer them. After all the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. 
Reader we come to another closing. As always thank you for your time. You are appreciated and don't forget to make someone smile today. :)
Until next time!
-Jordan